How to Solve Problems at home?
They come in, grunt, moan say what they don’t like, take what they need and leave usually with your hard earned money.
Now in this particular article I am referring to teenagers but you might be able to think of other people like that too.
Whoever it relates to for you, this article aims to provide some insight, some relief and some understanding.
With a few focused questions you can begin to plan your next best step.
The biggest challenge we face today is communicating what we really want opposed to what pops out of our mouth in a moment of anger, frustration or even sheer desperation. This can be said for a stressed and tired parent and just as equally a stressed manager or business owner.
Raising teenagers has always been hard work ,you only have to look at an old episode of the Walton’s or Little House on the Prairie to know that no family functioned without disagreements. (Sorry if you are too young to know what I mean feel free to Google them)
These extended families often had the same beliefs and values handed down from generation to generation, so decisions were often supported across the generations. For the modern family often our children don’t agree with us and our parents find it hard to comprehend why we do what do.
For some you have the added challenge of divorce and blended families. Two different family units which inevitably end up with a different set of values and beliefs. ( The reason for divorce is often because you find yourself married to someone who has completely different values and beliefs to you)
So now your children are torn between yet another set of beliefs and values, what is right and what is wrong.
I know I often found myself in a bind, I wanted my children to respect adults but when their father manipulated them I wanted to teach them to stand up for themselves. His demands in my opinion were unfair and unrealistic but I had to choose which of my values was the most important. When they were younger I chose to opt for respecting adults, as they got older I asked them the clean questions so they could work out for themselves what was okay and what was not.
I am pleased to say that this particular choice worked out, as they respectfully tell their father now if they consider him to be out of order.
How to Solve Problems With your Teen?
As a parent you have to therefore be pretty darn clear in your own mind and sure that you agree with your own principles, values and beliefs if you are going to enforce them and stand by them 100%. Then you have to be prepared to listen to the other side and be open to change as you both evolve and the dynamics change from you being in charge to them taking charge of their own life and their own decisions.
The internet provides you with a deluge of opinions and best practices based on a selection of people which of course are not you and your teen at this precise moment in time and although this advice is helpful it is not always made to measure for you and your teen.
Being confident in your own message gives you a solid foundation to have an objective and successful discussions with your teen. Your child is being taught through the web and school to treat people equally etc there is no sub rule that says this only applies to your peers and your parents can do what they like until you are 18. This can be very confusing when they respect their peers and their teachers. This is just one example and their are many more.
The two most common problems I have come across that prevent effective communication between parent and teen are parents that:
- Are adamant they are right and the child is wrong, black and white no grey.
- Blames themselves for everything and gives no responsibility to the child
What is needed through the teens is a shift of responsibility and sometimes you maybe surprised that it is not always the child who has to take on more responsibility. Often parents are unaware that they are passing all the blame and yet they are part of the communication problem.
We work with powerful questions that help you gain clarity, feel free to down load our free guide that will introduce to the principles and questions or you can book a free 30 mins session today and you can gain some clarity about your next best step for now.
Call 01329 286648
Thanks for Listening