Improving Your Listening Skills Can Improve How You Manage Yourself
I have started to notice a pattern that many of our clients end up with a washing machine like feeling or a knot in the stomach when things are bothering them that they can’t quite articulate.
Sometimes they cannot instantly pin point the cause of anxiety resulting in this tension and other times it can be caused because they have something to say but don’t want to upset others.
For others this emotion presents itself in the head like a cloud or fog or perhaps a weight on the shoulders.
Have you noticed a pattern yet for yourself?
What happens just before washing machine/knot/cloud or weight?
I have learned many strategies over the years to manage and understand this feeling simply by asking questions that empower me to pay attention and gain more understanding.
Questions that have worked for me are:
What happens just before?
What I would like to have happen next?
The feeling is like what?
Sometimes it is simply because I have lost my focus and I need to invest some time in planning my next step.
Other times it is because someone else is frustrating me and I just can’t quite find the right way or time to articulate what I would like to have happen instead.
I have found what works for me in this situation is to ask myself the following questions:
What would I like to have happen?
What would the other person/people like to have happen?
If this relationship were just the way I would like it to be it would be like what?
The learning and awareness from these questions often is sufficient to give me confidence to either speak up or the realisation that not saying anything is the right thing to do this time.
Take a moment now and draw or represent your answers the questions above.
What are you noticing?
What do you know now?
What difference does knowing that make? If any?
If you would like more information on how improving your listening skills can increase harmony, efficiency and productivity please contact Sheryl Andrews or Ros Bristow at Step By Step Listening.
We are both active on Social Media networks please do find us and stay in touch or request your copy of our free self coaching guide Success without Stress.
About the authors
Sheryl Andrews, Founder of Step by Step Listening and mum of a blended family of 5 children, is well know for her fast speaking and highly motivational passion to help others achieve. She is also no stranger to challenging conversations, lapses in self belief and moments of an overwhelming sense of not being enough. On the outside to everyone else you might have thought all was okay but how she was feeling inside was often a different story.
That was until 2008 when she discovered the work of David Grove and was introduced to Clean Language. This solution focused questioning technique gave her the tools she needed to learn how to listen which resulted in increased client retention and referrals and the development of this international business. Sheryl has also used these tools to home school her youngest and manage a her family through their teens supported by her husband Mark Andrews who is also a certified clean language facilitator. Sheryl believes that the process has given Mark and I the tools to ensure we did not repeat the patterns of our first marriages and it really has given us a greater understanding of each other.
Ros Bristow co- founder, mum of 3 daughters and a Grandmother is a women of immense strength and compassion. Desperate to get help for her teenage daughter she took the courageous decision to spend almost £30,000 and send her daughter on a wilderness development programme in Colorado USA. Despite this amazing intervention she still felt she lacked the skills she needed to manage herself and her daughter when she returned some months later. Ros trained as a coach but still something was missing. This is when Ros approached Sheryl and started as a client with Step by Step Listening in 2010.
Ros was keen to know how to set up a business to support other parents with teens in crisis whilst getting her own house in order. As Sheryl coached and mentored her to develop this business idea it soon became apparent how well they worked together. Ros formally joined the company in 2012 and together they have developed 10 principles of Step by Step Listening.
Increasing Efficiency, Productivity and Harmony.
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